Episode 24: Mediation and Conflict (in Quarantine) – with Mirella Kreder

What is conflict management and mediation? What is the role of emotions in managing conflict? And how can we deal with conflict in quarantine – when we are forced to spend more time than usual with the people we live with?

MirellaMy guest, Mirella Kreder, is an organisational consultant and mediator, specialised in communication, business psychology and development. She offers business consulting and mediation to all kinds of organisations and individuals seeking such expertise in the Czech Republic and abroad.

Join us as we discuss the field of mediation – from international conflicts to conflicts in the living room, emotional intelligence, and the stresses of living under quarantine. We recorded this episode under the COVID-19 lockdown.

Listen here

Resources: 

Find Mirella here at Linkedin (website coming soon)

Article: New Research on Stress of Quarantine and 5 Ways to Feel Better

Blog post: Managing Conflict Under Quarantine (good for couples + parents)

What is Mediation? – from Findlaw.com

 

 

 

 

 

Episode 23: How Emotional Intelligence helps us Connect (even in Quarantine)- with Josh Freedman

What is Emotional Intelligence? How can it help us to connect to ourselves and each other – especially during unprecedented times like these, where we are more physically disconnected than ever before? And how can we face the painful and difficult realities facing us and the planet right now?

JoshFreedmanMy guest, Joshua Freedman, is one of the world’s leading specialists on developing and applying emotional intelligence to improve performance. He is the CEO of Six Seconds, the the world’s preeminent emotional intelligence organization, and works all over the world delivering trainer certification programs and keynotes, and supporting practitioners in their life-changing work in business, education, and communities.

Join us for a moving conversation on the collective consciousness of this moment, where we discuss the need to turn towards the pain of climate change and to grieve, the vital lessons we are learning during lockdown, and how EQ might be part of helping us to create a better world.

Listen here: Emotional Intelligence and Connection (in Quarantine)

Or WATCH the full, unedited conversation here: How Emotional Intelligence helps us Connect (including in Quarantine)

Resources: 

Josh’s website: https://jmfreedman.com/ 

Joshua Freedman on LinkedIn 

Six Seconds – the Emotional Intelligence Network

14 Resources for Emotional Health During Coronavirus Times (Six Seconds)

What is Emotional Intelligence? Exploring the Six Seconds tools (from my Coaching blog)

 

Episode 22: What is Magnificent Sex? with Peggy Kleinplatz

Are you not interested in sex… or is the sex that’s on offer for you just not that enticing an offer? How can your relationship with yourself improve your sex life? And what makes sex truly worth having?

PeggyKleinplatzMy guest today, Peggy J. Kleinplatz is Professor in the Faculty of Medicine and Director of Sex and Couples Therapy Training at the University of Ottawa, Canada, and is a Certified Sex Therapist and Educator. She is Director of the Optimal Sexual Experiences Research Team of the University of Ottawa and has a particular interest in sexual health in the elderly, disabled and marginalized populations. Peggy has edited four books (listed under Resources), including the book we talk about today,  Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers with A. Dana Menard, Ph.D.

Peggy’s decades of research into optimal sexual experiences have found that what makes sex truly ‘worth having’ is, perhaps, the opposite of what many of us have been taught by Cosmo or porn. In fact, it may be exactly these expectations that set us up for problems in achieving sexual intimacy. What does make for “magnificent sex” turns out not to be anything to do with toys, tips, or tricks –  the results may surprise you.

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/What-is-Magnificent-Sex–with-Peggy-Kleinplatz-edbk5u

Resources: 

Peggy’s research: OptimalSexualExperiences.com

Books edited by Peggy J. Kleinplatz, PhD:

New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives (2012)
Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures with Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. (2006)
Sexuality and Ageing with Walter Bouman, M.D. (2015).
Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers with A. Dana Menard, Ph.D.

 

Episode 21: How Stress Kills your Sex Drive : Desire, Arousal, and Cold Feet (with Emily Nagoski)

Do you sometimes struggle to get “in the mood”? Is that something to do with you, your partner, or your relationship? What’s “normal”, sexually, anyway?

Emily+NagoskiEmily Nagoski is the award-winning  author of the New York Times bestseller, Come As You Are: the surprising new science that will transform your sex life and The Come As You Are Workbook, and co-author, with her sister Amelia, of Burnout: the secret to unlocking the stress cycle. She began her work as a sex educator at the University of Delaware, where volunteered as a peer sex educator while studying psychology with minors in cognitive science and philosophy. She went on to earn a M.S. in Counseling and a Ph.D. in Health Behavior, both from Indiana University, with clinical and research training at the Kinsey Institute. Now she combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies.

In this episode, we explore what it means to be “normal” – especially for a woman, who – if you’re like most of us – has been told her whole life that she’s either too horny, too prudish, ‘broken’ because she can’t get turned on or have orgasms on demand, or made to feel in some way as if she’s not… normal.

Join us as we talk desire, arousal, attraction, stress, and Dual Systems theory. Is the secret to good sex desire, or closeness? What about those people who claim we need to maintain healthy ‘distance’ in order to create mystery, which in turn fuels desire? How can stress kill our sex drive? How has Patriarchal thinking destroyed the way we relate to our own, and each other’s, bodies? Why are we more likely to have an orgasm if we’re wearing socks?

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/How-Stress-Kills-your-Sex-Drive–Desire–Arousal–and-Cold-Feet—with-Emily-Nagoski-eamh1f 

Resources:

Emily Nagoski’s website: http://www.emilynagoski.com/ – everything you need is here!

 

Episode 20: My Journey to Non-Monogamy (with Kira Williams)

How can somebody go from being cheated on, to being non-monogamous? What is Relationship Anarchy? And what do you do when you realise that society’s ideas and expectations surrounding relationships don’t make sense to you?

KiraKira Williams (they/them) is a genderqueer trans woman, a critical human geographer and a post-doctoral fellow at the University of Waterloo in Canada. Their research focuses on international migration, political geography and analytical methodology. You can find out more about them at their personal website: https://sites.google.com/view/kiraandreawilliams/.

In this episode, we explore ideas of relationship norms, what it’s like when you don’t subscribe to society’s ideas about romantic relationships, and how Kira’s relationship with a woman who cheated on them led them to realise they were non-monogamous. This episode originally intended to look into why people cheat, but instead took me down a completely different road – why don’t some people cheat? What keeps people monogamous? And what about those who don’t conform to those expectations?

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/My-Journey-to-Non-Monogamy-eb98f9 

Resources:

Listen: BBC Why Factor – Why Do We Cheat on our Partners?

Episode 19: How can we connect to ourselves, to others, and to Nature? with Christina Echevarria

Do you feel that you are truly connected to yourself, to others, and to Nature? What does it mean to suffer from ‘nature deficit disorder’? How can we use ancient rituals such as tea ceremonies and sharing circles to bring about a more connected, conscious world?

ChristinaChristina Echevarria, MSc is a Transformational Mentor, Breathworker and Ceremonialist based in St. Petersburg, Florida. She is devoted to serving her community (virtually and locally) in ways that empower embodied awakening, heart-centered transformation, holistic healing, and authentic connections to ourselves, to others and to the Earth. I met her during our MSc course, where we were two of the only people who seemed to recognise the importance of spending time in nature for our overall wellbeing.

In this episode, we delve into everything from heart-opening cacao ceremonies to how we can help society to face the existential crisis presented by the latest climate science. We discuss the importance of rituals and rites to bring us in line with others and ourselves, and emphasise how vital it is that we are able to recognise that we are part of nature.

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/How-can-we-connect-to-ourselves–to-others–and-to-Nature–with-Christina-Echevarria-ea30vs

Resources:

Christina’s website Stellar Shift – https://www.thestellarshift.com/

My MSc thesis – 30 Minutes in Nature a Day Can Increase Mood, Well-Being, Meaning in Life and Mindfulness: Effects of a Pilot Programme

Article – Children spend half the time playing outside than their parents did
Article – 3/4 of UK children spend less time outdoors than prison inmates
Article – People spend most of their waking hours staring at screens

Book – Richard Louv – Last Child in the Woods

Article: 10,000 – 100,000 species going extinct every year

Article – It’s official, spending time in nature is good for you

I also recommend Project Wild Thing, a documentary I was a *tiny* bit involved with back in 2015 (I helped them get a couple of screenings in Welsh cinemas) – https://www.thewildnetwork.com/inspiration/project-wild-thing

Episode 18: Could you forgive the man who killed your father? with Jo Berry

What would you do if you came face to face with somebody who had killed a family member? What happens when we are able to see the humanity of those we normally ‘other’?

JoBerryJo Berry lost her father in 1984, after he was killed by a bomb planted by he IRA at the Grand Brighton Hotel. The man who planted the bomb, Patrick Magee, was released from prison in 1999 – and Jo decided to meet him. What happened next is not what you might expect… since their first meeting, Jo and Patrick have toured the world to promote peace and understanding. Read more about Jo’s story here.

In this powerful episode of The Way We Connect, we discuss this most unlikely of connections, the difficulty of working with our emotions of grief, anger and pain, the importance of breaking the cycle of revenge, and our visions of a more peaceful world.

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Could-you-forgive-the-man-who-killed-your-father–with-Jo-Berry-ea3106

Resources: 

Building Bridges for Peace (Jo’s organisation) http://www.buildingbridgesforpeace.org/

The Forgiveness Project – Jo Berry & Patrick Magee https://www.theforgivenessproject.com/jo-berry-patrick-magee

Jo’s TED Talk “Disarming with Empathy” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coljnvVH18o

 

Episode 17: Can “broken” parents raise happy children? – with Ameé Quiriconi, One Broken Mom podcast

How were you shaped by your parents or caregivers? What affect do we have on our children? And how do we raise healthy, happy children when we ourselves feel ‘broken’?

ameequiriconiAmeé Quiriconi, host of the podcast One Broken Mom, describes herself as a trauma-informed parent and a trauma-survivor. Her podcast explores topics such as childhood traumas & adversities, neuroscience and psychology as well as parenting, relationships, and self-improvement. Find out more about Ameé and her podcast here.

In this episode, we explore what it means to be ‘broken’, how seemingly small things in our childhoods can contribute towards our trauma (and we all have trauma in some form), how we can use our adverse experiences to our strength instead of letting them hold us back, and how we can still raise children even when we are still a healing ‘work in progress’. Join us for a frank discussion on what it means to be a parent who is still trying to deal with their own sh*t.

Listen to the episode here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Can-broken-parents-raise-happy-children—–with-Ame-Quiriconi–One-Broken-Mom-ea310k

Resources:

Mentioned in this episode:

“Imago” therapy by Hendrix & Hunt – more here

Attached – Amir Levine 

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Life – Sue Johnson

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship  – Sam Tatkin

Dr Shefali – Free to Be (Webinars & Online courses)

Ameé’s podcast – One Broken Mom

Episode 16: Have you ever been Ghosted? – with Leah Marshall

What is ghosting? Why do people do it? And, perhaps more importantly, if you’ve been ghosted – how do you move on from the experience and evolve?

Leah Marshall Headshot AJ Kane.jpg


My guest, Leah Marshall, is the founder and leader of the Esther Perel Discussion Group on Facebook, a global community of over 6,000 members who come together in person and online to discuss relationships, sex, dating, desire, and infidelity.

In this episode, we talk about Leah’s experiences with ghosting, how one was a massive springboard for her own growth and evolution, and the critical piece that’s missing from so many dating experts’ advice on ghosting. Leah has authored dating and relationship content for media outlets including YourTango, ManTalks, Mend, Daily Urbanista, and more.

It’s so easy to wear the cosy cloak of victimhood and say “I was ghosted!” – but I think there are so many moments in a relationship where if we examine them, we see the role that we created the dynamic for that to happen” Leah, Episode 16, The Way We Connect 

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Have-you-ever-been-ghosted—-with-Leah-Marshall-ea310c

Resources:

You can connect with Leah on Instagram at @msleahmarshall, through her blog ahttps://leapcastlife.wordpress.com/, and in the Esther Perel Discussion Group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/793115204193690/.

An article by Leah: “GHOSTED: 10 Lessons That Made The Heartache Worth It on Medium.com

Video: What Psychologists Can Tell You About Ghosting 

Article (Psychology Today): This is Why Ghosting Hurts So Much

Destiny vs Growth mindsets and attitudes to ghosting –Franiuk, R., Cohen, D., & Pomerantz, E. M. (2002). Implicit theories of relationships: Implications for relationship satisfaction and longevity. Personal Relationships, 9(4), 345-367.

Why People Ghost – LeFebvre, L. E., Allen, M., Rasner, R. D., Garstad, S., Wilms, A., & Parrish, C. (2019). Ghosting in emerging adults’ romantic relationships: The digital dissolution disappearance strategy. Imagination, Cognition and Personality, 0276236618820519.

Episode 15: Conflict resolution, mediation and Existentialism – with Yannick Jacob

What is conflict and why does it exist? What are the real reasons behind conflict, and how can a mediator help people to resolve their issues? And while we’re at it – what on earth is existential therapy?

Screen Shot 2019-06-21 at 11.56.04Yannick Jacob is an Existential Coach, Positive Psychologist, Coach Trainer & Supervisor, Mediator and the former Programme Leader of the MSc Coaching Psychology at the University of East London. In his own words: “I work with coaches, leaders and anybody who considers themselves to be in a “position of great responsibility” to help them gain clarity, make choices, build resilience and navigate their life. I believe in balance, understanding, helping people think (more deeply and effectively) and develop the courage to fully live across the whole spectrum of human experience. I believe that the key to sustainable happiness lies in not just accepting, not-avoiding or managing, but in embracing the inevitable struggles and challenges that life continuously throws as us.”

Join us as we discuss what drew Yannick to this field, how mediation works, the real roots behind conflict and perhaps how the existential approach ties in to all of this.

Listen to the episode here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Resolving-conflict–mediation-and-Existentialism—with-Yannick-Jacob-ea310e

Resources:

Yannick Jacob’s website (there is SO much on here to check out!) – http://www.coachingandmediation.net/

Dr Nash Popovic’s Personal Synthesis course (£8 for lifetime access!) – https://www.personalsynthesis.com