Episode 18: Could you forgive the man who killed your father? with Jo Berry

What would you do if you came face to face with somebody who had killed a family member? What happens when we are able to see the humanity of those we normally ‘other’?

JoBerryJo Berry lost her father in 1984, after he was killed by a bomb planted by he IRA at the Grand Brighton Hotel. The man who planted the bomb, Patrick Magee, was released from prison in 1999 – and Jo decided to meet him. What happened next is not what you might expect… since their first meeting, Jo and Patrick have toured the world to promote peace and understanding. Read more about Jo’s story here.

In this powerful episode of The Way We Connect, we discuss this most unlikely of connections, the difficulty of working with our emotions of grief, anger and pain, the importance of breaking the cycle of revenge, and our visions of a more peaceful world.

Listen here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1690837-could-you-forgive-the-man-who-killed-your-father-with-jo-berry

Resources: 

Building Bridges for Peace (Jo’s organisation) http://www.buildingbridgesforpeace.org/

The Forgiveness Project – Jo Berry & Patrick Magee https://www.theforgivenessproject.com/jo-berry-patrick-magee

Jo’s TED Talk “Disarming with Empathy” – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coljnvVH18o

 

Episode 15: Conflict resolution, mediation and Existentialism – with Yannick Jacob

What is conflict and why does it exist? What are the real reasons behind conflict, and how can a mediator help people to resolve their issues? And while we’re at it – what on earth is existential therapy?

Screen Shot 2019-06-21 at 11.56.04Yannick Jacob is an Existential Coach, Positive Psychologist, Coach Trainer & Supervisor, Mediator and the former Programme Leader of the MSc Coaching Psychology at the University of East London. In his own words: “I work with coaches, leaders and anybody who considers themselves to be in a “position of great responsibility” to help them gain clarity, make choices, build resilience and navigate their life. I believe in balance, understanding, helping people think (more deeply and effectively) and develop the courage to fully live across the whole spectrum of human experience. I believe that the key to sustainable happiness lies in not just accepting, not-avoiding or managing, but in embracing the inevitable struggles and challenges that life continuously throws as us.”

Join us as we discuss what drew Yannick to this field, how mediation works, the real roots behind conflict and perhaps how the existential approach ties in to all of this.

Listen to the episode here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1311637-resolving-conflict-mediation-and-existentialism 

Resources:

Yannick Jacob’s website (there is SO much on here to check out!) – http://www.coachingandmediation.net/

Dr Nash Popovic’s Personal Synthesis course (£8 for lifetime access!) – https://www.personalsynthesis.com

Episode 14: Street harassment, trust and safe spaces: How do we deal with feeling unsafe?

Why do some people feel safe in one situation, while others are afraid? What does it mean to create a safe space? Does having a sense of community make us feel safer? And how can we deal with those times when we feel unsafe?

Screen Shot 2019-06-16 at 14.32.07Our guest, Desi, is a burlesque teacher and movement therapist, and has just started her own podcast – See You Next Tuesday – where she explores what it means to feel safe. Her own journey may have started with the rigorous safety training she received as a child, but true inspiration struck at the most surprising time. We discuss differences in safety between the USA and the Czech Republic, where we live, including why people react differently to sexual harassment.

Through our conversation, we cover many topics – what it means to feel safe within your own body, how to create a safe space, and how our previous experiences shape what we perceive as safe and unsafe.

Listen to the episode here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1261217-safety-street-harassment-and-trust-how-do-we-create-safe-spaces-and-deal-will-feeling-unsafe

Resources:

Connect with Desi (and her Burlesque personality, Fattyma Cous Cous) on Facebook, Instagram or her website

What happens in our brains when we feel feararticle 

The Neuroscience of Feeling Safe and Connectedarticle

Non-Violent Communication (and Safety as a basic human need): https://nonviolentcommunication.com or this summary 

How Fear is Wired in our Brains – video:

The effect of trauma on the brain and how it affects behaviours – video

Episode 13: Healing collective trauma with Patrick Dougherty

What is collective trauma? Are the wounds that we bear best addressed behind the closed doors of a therapist’s office, or as a collective? How is collective, intergeneration trauma affecting us all?

patrickdoughertyPatrick Dougherty, M.A., L.P. is a licensed psychologist with 40 years of clinical work and social activism. He is part of an international group working with and developing models dealing with collective trauma (www.pocketproject.org). He is a former US Marine who served in Vietnam and is leading a group specifically working with the collective trauma of armed violence and war (http://movingthroughit.org).

In this episode, Patrick discusses what it was like to return to the US after serving in Vietnam to find that nobody wanted to know what had happened there, about the pain and shame he held inside and tried to work on through therapy, until one day is Jerusalem the words of three women changed his life and his perspective forever.

Patrick argues that looking at trauma as an individual problem will never effectively heal collective pain – we need to work together in groups and communities to address the way different trauma lives in our bodies – and not only in those who identify themselves as victims. According to Patrick, our avoidance of discomfort and our fear of losing our own safety and privilege further drives feeling of trauma and separation.

Listen here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1203935-healing-collective-trauma-with-patrick-dougherty 

Resources:

The Pocket Project: https://pocketproject.org/

Moving through it: https://movingthroughit.org/introduction/

Healing Collective Trauma: http://www.healingcollectivetrauma.com/

Other articles and resources with Patrick:

Article by Patrick: Helping your Brain and Body Survive the Collective Trauma of 2017

Podcast interview with Patrick on Last Born in the Wilderness

Article by Patrick: Our Bodies Were Not Designed To Process Collective Trauma Alone

Interview with Patrick at the Trauma and Mental Health in Conflict and Migration online conference (do you recognise who’s interviewing him?)

Other resources:

The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van del Kolk (https://besselvanderkolk.net/the-body-keeps-the-score.html) – a fascinating book about trauma