Episode 26: Dealing with Grief – Jenn M Choi

What is grief, how does it manifest in our lives, and how can we best process it? How does one deal with the loss of both their parents in their early adult years? What are the costs of ignoring grief and trying to power through?

Jenn M Choi is a real human who is passionate about creating impact at scale. As a Writer, Speaker, and Content Creator she tells inspirational personal stories and shares practical life + work lessons to empower people. As an Empowerment Coach, she empowers real humans to make BIG ASS changes and design the life + work they dream of. She’s also the Founder of a marketing communications consultancy. 

Her big dream is to finish writing a memoir on her journey of self-love through the grief of losing both parents. Originally from San Francisco, she’s now cozily settled in Berlin.

In this raw and insightful episode, we discuss everything from Jenn’s personal relationship with her parents, what it was like to lose them in her late twenties/early thirties, all the way up to reflections on what might happen after death and the importance of having a strong support network. 

Listen now: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Dealing-with-Grief—with-Jenn-M-Choi-emsf68

Resources:

Jenn’s website: jennmchoi.com

Social media @jennmchoi

What’s your Grief? Blog (mentioned in the episode)

Modern Loss – Candid Conversation about Grief (mentioned in the episode)

Option B – Sheryl Sandberg (book mentioned in the episode)

Episode 17: Can “broken” parents raise happy children? – with Ameé Quiriconi, One Broken Mom podcast

How were you shaped by your parents or caregivers? What affect do we have on our children? And how do we raise healthy, happy children when we ourselves feel ‘broken’?

ameequiriconiAmeé Quiriconi, host of the podcast One Broken Mom, describes herself as a trauma-informed parent and a trauma-survivor. Her podcast explores topics such as childhood traumas & adversities, neuroscience and psychology as well as parenting, relationships, and self-improvement. Find out more about Ameé and her podcast here.

In this episode, we explore what it means to be ‘broken’, how seemingly small things in our childhoods can contribute towards our trauma (and we all have trauma in some form), how we can use our adverse experiences to our strength instead of letting them hold us back, and how we can still raise children even when we are still a healing ‘work in progress’. Join us for a frank discussion on what it means to be a parent who is still trying to deal with their own sh*t.

Listen to the episode here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Can-broken-parents-raise-happy-children—–with-Ame-Quiriconi–One-Broken-Mom-ea310k

Resources:

Mentioned in this episode:

“Imago” therapy by Hendrix & Hunt – more here

Attached – Amir Levine 

Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Life – Sue Johnson

Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship  – Sam Tatkin

Dr Shefali – Free to Be (Webinars & Online courses)

Ameé’s podcast – One Broken Mom

Episode 3: Projection and Mind-Reading

Do we truly see people for who they are, or do our preconceived ideas mean we only see them through a filter? Do we assume we know what our loved ones are thinking and end up feeling upset or hurt because we didn’t challenge that assumption? Are the negative qualities that upset us so much in others actually parts of ourselves that we try to deny?

Sigmund Freud claimed that projection was a defence mechanism – instead of looking at something “bad” in ourselves, like selfishness, lust, or anger, we saw it in other people instead. Instead of seeing people as they are, we ‘project’ an image onto them, like a movie projector stopping you from seeing what’s really underneath.

We don’t necessarily only do this with things we’re denying in ourselves – we also project what we expect of people onto them, which can lead to stereotyping, discrimination, and a lot of unnecessary conflict. And what happens when we bring this into our close relationships? Maybe we start think we can read the other person’s mind – assuming they are upset with us or that they are bored of us, then treating them as if our projection is the ultimate truth.

Our special guest, John, talks about the role projection played in his marriage. He often assumed that his wife was needy and dependent on him, yet never questioned this. He also talks about how he struggles with his idea that people are angry with him all the time, and how he uses open and honest communication in his current relationship to figure out what’s really going on.

We also talk a little about how we feel when people project onto us – assuming traits or intentions that are not there because they have created an idea of who we are based on one or two pieces of information – and the ‘positive’ side of projection; where we project all our fantasies onto our new lover and see them through rose-tinted glasses.

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Projection-and-Mind-Reading-ea310d 

Some of the resources we mentioned:

We mentioned the book Why Do I Do This? by Joseph Burgo; the quote about “when we project we turn the other person into a symbol: the Bossy Jerk or the Needy Wreck” was actually from this article here at ExperienceLife.com: https://experiencelife.com/article/how-to-stop-projecting/ 

This article – “Projection in Relationships: Stop it from ruining your connection” was helpful as we thought of ideas for this episode: https://www.monikahoyt.com/projection-in-relationships/

The book that mentioned how families project their expectations onto us is They F*** You Up: How to Survive Family Life by Oliver James.

We talked about Freud, and how he discussed projection as a defence mechanism. Read more about psychological defence mechanisms here: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201110/the-essential-guide-defense-mechanisms