Episode 14: Street harassment, trust and safe spaces: How do we deal with feeling unsafe?

Why do some people feel safe in one situation, while others are afraid? What does it mean to create a safe space? Does having a sense of community make us feel safer? And how can we deal with those times when we feel unsafe?

Screen Shot 2019-06-16 at 14.32.07Our guest, Desi, is a burlesque teacher and movement therapist, and has just started her own podcast – See You Next Tuesday – where she explores what it means to feel safe. Her own journey may have started with the rigorous safety training she received as a child, but true inspiration struck at the most surprising time. We discuss differences in safety between the USA and the Czech Republic, where we live, including why people react differently to sexual harassment.

Through our conversation, we cover many topics – what it means to feel safe within your own body, how to create a safe space, and how our previous experiences shape what we perceive as safe and unsafe.

Listen to the episode here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1261217-safety-street-harassment-and-trust-how-do-we-create-safe-spaces-and-deal-will-feeling-unsafe

Resources:

Connect with Desi (and her Burlesque personality, Fattyma Cous Cous) on Facebook, Instagram or her website

What happens in our brains when we feel feararticle 

The Neuroscience of Feeling Safe and Connectedarticle

Non-Violent Communication (and Safety as a basic human need): https://nonviolentcommunication.com or this summary 

How Fear is Wired in our Brains – video:

The effect of trauma on the brain and how it affects behaviours – video

Episode 11: Compatibility (Part 3) – Does it just happen, or is it carefully built?

Is compatibility something that just happens to us, or do we have to carefully construct and build it over time? Can we tell straight away how happy we might be with someone? If we are right for each other, should it always be plain sailing or does it require constant conscious effort?

A Valentine’s Day poll from the university of Monmouth polling institute in 2017 found that ⅔ of US Americans believe in Soul Mates.

In this episode, we talk to Luiz + Barbara, a couple who have been together for ten years and consider themselves the world’s happiest couple. But it wasn’t love at first sight – their connection grew slowly over time, and their happiness takes conscious effort and work. We talk to them about how they got together, what keeps them together and explore whether an initial ‘spark’ of attraction is really the best indicator of a successful long-term relationship.

Listen to the episode here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1122698-compatibility-part-3-does-it-just-happen-or-is-it-carefully-built 

Resources:

University of Monmouth study about beliefs in soulmates: https://www.monmouth.edu/polling-institute/reports/MonmouthPoll_US_020917/

Less That One – find out the statistical probability of finding your soul mate: http://www.lessthanone.com/ 

Barbara J Wilson – From Love at First Sight to Soul Mate: The Influence of Romantic Ideals in Popular Films on Young People’s Beliefs about Relationships – https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637751.2013.776697

Books mentioned:

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

Essentialism by Greg McKewon

Episode 10: Who says we need soul mates anyway?

What if there isn’t somebody out there for all of us? What if there are multiple people, or – more radically – what if focusing on finding one romantic partner for life is stopping us from experiencing the full potential of our friendships, talents, or careers? What does it look like to shift the paradigm away from searching for the right person?

In this episode, I talk to two fascinating people. The first, Rowen Bridler – singer, actress and author of Love Poems for People Who Don’t Like Being in Love,  talks to us about why she thinks people get so obsessed with finding a partner, getting married, and settling down, and about what it means to be a woman in your 40’s who doesn’t fit into society’s expectations. We discuss the lack of positive role models for women who choose not to have children or conform to a ‘typical’ lifestyle, and what life can look like when you choose to focus on excitement, pleasure, adventure, and developing yourself.

Then we talk to Natalie, who discusses what it means to be non-monogamous, demi-sexual and a relationship anarchist. Natalie is not looking for ‘the One’, but has their sexual, romantic and platonic needs met by a constellation of like-minded friends. We ask why do people feel that they have to spend their lives with just one person? Can’t things be different?

While this is likely to be a controversial episode for those with deep-set beliefs about finding love, marriage, monogamy or commitment, it is also a refreshing look at alternative lifestyles. What can life look like if we free ourselves of the idea that we are somehow a failure if we don’t settle down for life with one perfect partner?

Listen to the episode here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1060853-compatibility-part-2-who-says-we-need-soul-mates-anyway 

Resources:

Rowen’s website: https://dontlikebeinginlove.com/

Childless & Childfree Role Models – after Rowen’s comments that we lack positive female childfree role models, I found this!

The Ethical Slut (Referenced in the episode): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut – a great book not only for people exploring polyamory/non-monogamy but for relationship communication advice in general

The Relationship Anarchy Manifesto – https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/andie-nordgren-the-short-instructional-manifesto-for-relationship-anarchy

 

 

Episode 9: The never-ending search for “the One”

Is our true soul mate out there? Do we need to find them or can we be perfectly happy by ourselves? How do we know when we’ve found the right person?

In this three-part series, we explore questions of compatibility, monogamy, and look at alternatives to the usual story of “meet person, fall in love, live happily ever after”.

Plato used to look at romantic love with skepticism, even horror, and yet today it seems that we are obsessed with romantic love and sex. While marriage was once a financial necessity or a way of ensuring peace between families or nations, we now live in the romantic dream that somewhere out there we can find a person who will complement and complete us in every day. We are bombarded with messages in songs, movies, books and magazines about sex, attraction, romance and finding true love – how are we supposed to feel complete when we are single in a world that focuses so much on pairing up?

In part 1, Louise shares with us her trials and tribulations in love. She’s had ups and downs, with stories both tragic and comic, but she remains positive that the right person is out there for her. Join Lis & Gwen in this frank, open discussion about dating, love, sex, and discuss what it means to be comfortable in your own skin without needing a partner to validate you.

Listen to the episode here: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/1037402-compatibility-part-1-the-never-ending-search-for-the-one 

Mentioned in this episode:

The Love Song for Shu-Sin – perhaps the oldest love poem? 

Dr Carol Dweck’s Growth vs Fixed mindsets 

Also worth checking out:

A Brief History of Romantic Love (and why it kind of sucks) – Mark Manson

Episode 8: What does it mean to ‘fit in’ somewhere?

How do we fit in to new places? What does it mean to feel like you belong? And is it harder to feel that you don’t belong in your home town, compared to a completely new place?

Amelia has lived in many places, from Kansas to Prague, but the biggest adjustment came from moving to Namibia as a Peace Corps volunteer. In this episode, we discuss what it was like to stand out in a small Namibian village, whether she felt homesick, and how Amelia has felt about ‘fitting in’ in a variety of locations, from Kansas to Prague and everywhere in between.

One idea that came up in this episode was whether or not it’s harder to handle the feeling of not ‘fitting in’ to your own home town, as opposed to somewhere that you’ve moved to and where being an outsider isn’t so unexpected, anyway.

“One of the reasons I want to live abroad… is because there’s something more painful about not feeling like you belong [when it’s] in your own home” Amelia.

Amelia would like to apologise for using some Colonial names for places in Namibia, and hopes that they did not cause any offence.

Listen to the episode here: https://www.buzzsprout.com/160260/1037383-what-does-it-mean-to-fit-in-somewhere
Find out more about Namibia:

https://www.info-namibia.com/info/general-information 

https://www.worldatlas.com/articles/tribes-and-ethnic-groups-of-namibia.html

Find out more about the Peace Corps: https://www.peacecorps.gov/ 

 

Episode 7: Radical Honesty – is honesty always the best policy?

Is honesty always the best policy? What are the pros and cons of being honest? And what is Radical Honesty?

In this episode, we invite Marvin Schulz – Radical Honesty trainer and coach – to discuss the practice of Radical Honesty. Originally created by Dr Brad Blanton, a psychotherapist who realised one day that the root of most suffering was some form of dishonesty or another – Radical Honesty is a practice in which people try to speak honestly to one another. But it’s more than that – it’s a way of being present in the moment, of recognising what is ‘true’ vs true for you, and of living in a more open, vulnerable and loving way.

The conversation takes us down some other interesting roads – when have we been honest or dishonest in our lives? What does honesty really mean? Is it better to be honest or polite, and in which situations? And what’s the difference between being honest and just being an asshole?

LISTEN HERE: http://thewayweconnect.buzzsprout.com/160260/691363-episode-7-radical-honesty  – or download from your favourite podcast app.

Resources:

Radical Honest website – https://www.radicalhonesty.com

Is is Better to be Polite or Frank? School of Life video