Episode 22: What is Magnificent Sex? with Peggy Kleinplatz

Are you not interested in sex… or is the sex that’s on offer for you just not that enticing an offer? How can your relationship with yourself improve your sex life? And what makes sex truly worth having?

PeggyKleinplatzMy guest today, Peggy J. Kleinplatz is Professor in the Faculty of Medicine and Director of Sex and Couples Therapy Training at the University of Ottawa, Canada, and is a Certified Sex Therapist and Educator. She is Director of the Optimal Sexual Experiences Research Team of the University of Ottawa and has a particular interest in sexual health in the elderly, disabled and marginalized populations. Peggy has edited four books (listed under Resources), including the book we talk about today,  Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers with A. Dana Menard, Ph.D.

Peggy’s decades of research into optimal sexual experiences have found that what makes sex truly ‘worth having’ is, perhaps, the opposite of what many of us have been taught by Cosmo or porn. In fact, it may be exactly these expectations that set us up for problems in achieving sexual intimacy. What does make for “magnificent sex” turns out not to be anything to do with toys, tips, or tricks –  the results may surprise you.

Listen here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/What-is-Magnificent-Sex–with-Peggy-Kleinplatz-edbk5u

Resources: 

Peggy’s research: OptimalSexualExperiences.com

Books edited by Peggy J. Kleinplatz, PhD:

New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives (2012)
Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures with Charles Moser, Ph.D., M.D. (2006)
Sexuality and Ageing with Walter Bouman, M.D. (2015).
Magnificent Sex: Lessons from Extraordinary Lovers with A. Dana Menard, Ph.D.

 

Episode 11: Compatibility (Part 3) – Does it just happen, or is it carefully built?

Is compatibility something that just happens to us, or do we have to carefully construct and build it over time? Can we tell straight away how happy we might be with someone? If we are right for each other, should it always be plain sailing or does it require constant conscious effort?

A Valentine’s Day poll from the university of Monmouth polling institute in 2017 found that ⅔ of US Americans believe in Soul Mates.

In this episode, we talk to Luiz + Barbara, a couple who have been together for ten years and consider themselves the world’s happiest couple. But it wasn’t love at first sight – their connection grew slowly over time, and their happiness takes conscious effort and work. We talk to them about how they got together, what keeps them together and explore whether an initial ‘spark’ of attraction is really the best indicator of a successful long-term relationship.

Listen to the episode here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Compatibility-Part-3-Does-it-just-happen–or-is-it-carefully-built-ea3100

Resources:

University of Monmouth study about beliefs in soulmates: https://www.monmouth.edu/polling-institute/reports/MonmouthPoll_US_020917/

Less That One – find out the statistical probability of finding your soul mate: http://www.lessthanone.com/ 

Barbara J Wilson – From Love at First Sight to Soul Mate: The Influence of Romantic Ideals in Popular Films on Young People’s Beliefs about Relationships – https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03637751.2013.776697

Books mentioned:

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

Essentialism by Greg McKewon

Episode 9: Compatibility (part 1) – The never-ending search for “the One”

Is our true soul mate out there? Do we need to find them or can we be perfectly happy by ourselves? How do we know when we’ve found the right person?

In this three-part series, we explore questions of compatibility, monogamy, and look at alternatives to the usual story of “meet person, fall in love, live happily ever after”.

Plato used to look at romantic love with skepticism, even horror, and yet today it seems that we are obsessed with romantic love and sex. While marriage was once a financial necessity or a way of ensuring peace between families or nations, we now live in the romantic dream that somewhere out there we can find a person who will complement and complete us in every day. We are bombarded with messages in songs, movies, books and magazines about sex, attraction, romance and finding true love – how are we supposed to feel complete when we are single in a world that focuses so much on pairing up?

In part 1, Louise shares with us her trials and tribulations in love. She’s had ups and downs, with stories both tragic and comic, but she remains positive that the right person is out there for her. Join Lis & Gwen in this frank, open discussion about dating, love, sex, and discuss what it means to be comfortable in your own skin without needing a partner to validate you.

Listen to the episode here: https://anchor.fm/the-way-we-connect/episodes/Compatibility-Part-1-The-never-ending-search-for-the-One-ea3104

Mentioned in this episode:

The Love Song for Shu-Sin – perhaps the oldest love poem? 

Dr Carol Dweck’s Growth vs Fixed mindsets 

Also worth checking out:

A Brief History of Romantic Love (and why it kind of sucks) – Mark Manson